Dreamland..Wish I was there..

As you can see. I am up at 5 am. (Actually woke at 2:45am) Too early for anyone but, I digress.. Everyone is sound asleep. The boys behind me in their bunk bed. Sunni in front of me. She has been sleeping on the couch made into a bed since disassembling her bed for the move. She is so tiny it's like a full size bed for her. She doesn't mind. Actually loves that it's hers to put her "Granpa pillow", special blanket and any stuff toys she chooses to sleep with that night. Tonight? It was her red valentine bear and her dolly. I can't help but get up in the middle of the night to keep covering her with the blanket. She is so warm blooded she always kicks them off. Eric got home around 12:00am and is fast asleep. I feel guilty that this cannot be a Saturday for him to "Catch up" on sleep but, we have things to pack, Hannahs Birthday party and a trip to my Brothers all rolled into one. Packing is going to be the hard thing for me. I tried to go through both side table drawers. My side? Filled with sewing patterns, fabric, Vitamins and magazines. Erics, lol I don't think he really used his side. I did see a packet from the Clark county School district for work but everything else was pretty much random toys Sunni decided to place in Daddys drawers..lol. Her rings and a few necklaces of hers. Mixed in were a few old receipts and some cough drops that fell out of the bag when Eric had a sore throat. All pretty random. I dare anyone to go through their "junk drawer" it's pretty revealing..lol. So after cleaning out my drawers I started on one of Erics then the back pain started again. What's new? Well, having nerves burned in my back I guess failed again. And with moving day in T-Minus 4 days I cannot think to move stuff in this condition. I shouldn't be moving stuff but I am such a proud person I cannot think of letting people move my things while I sit there and tell them where it goes. I always feel like I should be "doing something". It's the life lesson I need to learn. Let people help. Such a hard lesson for me to learn.

So, I am fully awake. Have been for 3 hours. Laying on the heating pad. Checking twitter. Reading blogs, watching church videos on youtube. This I fear will be one of many blogs to come in the next few days until the "move". Eric does the walk through on Sunday, so no Church. I feel such a connection when I go but, then life jumps in and takes it away from me. I cannot wait for the day to have all of our stuff unpacked and going to Church in our new area. These last two weeks of going have strengthen my testimony. I know now that I am not the only one that goes through the things I have gone through my short time on Earth. And I know Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. The first house feel thru for a reason. It wasn't meant to be. And after riding a roller coaster of emotions yesterday. We will move into this house with the help of my Brother. I am so thankful that I have at least one sibling to lean on. I believe we have grown closer throughout the years. When I was younger my brother and I had a love/hate relationship. I wanted his love and friendship and he wanted to drag me around by my hair and call me names.. Yeah, typical brother love. My Mom always wanted us to be close. I think she is looking down proud that Rusty is such an astounding husband and father. And my brother did deserve all three of his kids to be girls..lol. I look at it as his life lesson. To learn how girls are and be nicer to your sister..lol. Just kidding I know that's not his life lesson but, it works for me. He did have a son but, he had served his purpose before his birth. And as much of an "alpha male" my brother is I know he yearned for that son. And would have taught him all that he knows about football and boy stuff.. Not leaving out the "picking on your younger sister" part. So, now that we are older I think my brother and I have realized that we are all we have. With our father so hurt and fighting his own battles we cling to each other for memories of the past. When our Mother was still on Earth. We look to each other for support in whatever we do and we look to each other for answers to being a parent. If my Mother was here she would be taking that last roll. But, I think Rusty and I know she had her plan and fulfilled it. She knew way before we did that she was preparing us for the worst. And although at the time all we wanted was to hear he speak to us one last time. She is in a better place. She taught us how to do things for ourselves at a young age. I know now that she did that to prepare us for life as new adults without her. I don't go a day without thinking about her even after 9 years. And I know Rusty feels the same. I am so open to having Sherry move in with us. I keep writing it but, I guess that is because I am so happy. She'll teach me new things. Last night Eric called me from work and prior to that he had called his mother to ask her how her "Spring Boutique" went. He wanted to tell me what she said. Sherry had told Eric that she cannot wait to be here. She sold so many of her necklaces (along with 4 of my bows) and she cannot wait to teach me how to make them. She said that she had our day planned all out. We would make the necklaces and then bring them and try to sell them at boutiques around town. She's so cute. At the end she told Eric to mention that she noticed in the house pictures I sent that I have lost some weight. And she told Eric explicit instructions so that it would be told to me..Ahhh..Dreamland...I wish I was there with you..